How to Use Lube for Better Sex — Best Lube Tips

Zoë Ligon is a sex educator, writer, artist, and owner of the sex-positive online toy store Spectrum Boutique, which is based out of Detroit.

I used to think sexual lubricant was a take-it-or-leave it kind of thing, probably because my first encounter with lube was quite unpleasant. When I was 15, my first-ever boyfriend brought over a bottle in a desperate attempt to convince me to do butt stuff. While I initially agreed to go along with the experiment, the lube he’d chosen became incredibly sticky and gummy only a few moments after application. It also created a subtle burning sensation in my vulva. For years, that was that: I figured all lubes must suck.

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Eventually, though, I began to learn to stimulate myself to orgasm — and I quickly realized my body wasn’t able to produce enough vaginal lubrication to facilitate the intense dildo thrusting I craved. I figured out that the friction-y feeling I’d experienced during penetration up until that point could be avoided with the help of some good lube. What's more, there were a lot of good lubes out there.

Even if you self-lubricate in massive quantities or have an abundance of saliva, you too can benefit from a body-safe personal lubricant* — ahead, the essential do's and don'ts of happy lube use, along with some of my favorite product picks.

1. Don’t use lubes with glycerin, parabens, or sugars.

The typical lube you’ll find at a pharmacy or grocery store is loaded with glycerin, an (inexpensive) compound used to give lube that glide-y feeling. Regardless of claims that this additive is “body-safe”, many folks with vulvas experience reactions to lubes with glycerin, including yeast and bacterial infections. It’s best to avoid lubes with glycerin or parabens — a preservative linked to higher risk for bacterial vaginosis — altogether, especially since there are so many amazing formulas without them.

Additionally, it’s best to avoid lubes with any type of sugar in them, as these can lead to yeast infections. Many flavored lubes include sugars for flavoring, so make sure your scented or flavored lube has a body-safe sweetening ingredient such as aspartame or stevia. (Sliquid Swirl Flavored Lube in Pink Lemonade is unexpectedly delicious.)

Sliquid

2. Do use the right lube for the occasion.

The most common kind of lube is water-based: It's incredibly versatile, cleans up easily, and comes in a range of textures and formulas. It can be used with any material in your sex toy drawer and any type of condom, is safe to use internally and externally, and feels quite similar to natural bodily lubrication. The main drawback of water-based lube is that it tends to evaporate more quickly than other types, but thicker water-based lubes last a much longer time.

If you are looking for a very long-lasting lubricant, silicone-based lubes are a great choice. They can be used for anything but are ideal for butt stuff (which always requires lubrication — remember that your anus doesn’t self-lubricate).

Silicone lube also happens to be a great hair de-frizzer and chafe-blocker when applied between the thighs. (The travel-sized bottle I keep in my purse takes on many, many roles — I’ve even de-squeaked a door with it before). Unlike water or oil molecules, silicone molecules roll along the surface of the skin without being absorbed into it or evaporating into the air, meaning you will feel much more glide from a single application. Silicone lube can be a bit messy, but it can be washed away with a mild soap.

Silicone can be used inside and outside the body as well as on any material, except most solid silicones. That may sound counter-intuitive, but it’s essentially because the liquid silicone melts the solid silicone, compromising its non-porous surface. That means you shouldn’t use silicone lubes with silicone sex toys. There are, however, hybrid lubes that are diluted silicone-water formulas, which can be used on any material — just like a water-based lube can.

Überlube

3. Don’t rely on oil-based lubes.

There are also oil-based lubricants, but I personally discourage folks from ever using oils unless they plan to use them solely externally or anally (I’m talking to you, coconut oil users). Not only are oils not condom- or toy-safe, they can linger inside the body (the vaginal canal in particular). Everyone’s body is different, but some vulva-owners notice that oils can lead to irritation. The thinking is that they change the balance of the good bacteria living inside the body,

If you like the texture of oil, just stick with silicone lube — it feels nearly the same as oil but is body- and condom-safe.

4. Do apply lube liberally.

Seriously, the worst-case scenario is that you have to wipe a little bit away if you over-pour. There is not a soul on this green earth who doesn’t need lube from time to time — and if that statement makes you feel defensive, consider where that lube stigma is coming from. Your body is in no way “broken” and there is nothing “wrong” with you if you use lube. Lube is not solely for postmenopausal folks or anal play: It is ideal for any activity (unless you have a things for really dry sex or something.)

We all have our less-hydrated days and, let’s be honest, spit is a really ineffective lubricant. If you’ve avoided lube in your sex life thus far, I challenge you to get yourself a small bottle, try it out next time you play, and tell me that shit isn’t awesome. You don’t even have to save it for partnered sex. Use a little the next time you masturbate and notice the difference.

5. Don’t use lubes that promise to numb or “relax” you.

I find this criminal. These lubes are marketed towards folks trying to “open up” and not feel any pain during anal or deep-throating, but if you’re doing either of these activities mindfully you shouldn’t be feeling pain anyway. Pain is the body’s natural way of telling you to slow down or stop what you’re doing, and if your orifice is numb, you may end up injuring or tearing something. It’s quite possible to relax the sphincter and throat organically when you’re going slow, focusing on foreplay, and communicating with your partner before and during a sex act.

6. Do be mindful about your lube use if you’re trying to conceive.

Some research suggests that water- and silicone-based lubes reduce sperms’ motility, or their ability to move actively — which is important when you’re trying to conceive.

More research on the relationship between lube and sperm is needed, but if you’re trying to get pregnant, you can err on the side of caution by opting for a sperm-friendly lube like Pre-Seed or YES Baby. There's no reason trying-for-baby sex should be less slippery or enjoyable than any other kind.

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